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Thursday, April 22, 2010

This One's For You

I'll always miss you. 
Goodbye My Lover- James Blunt
Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won 
So I took what's mine by eternal right Took your soul out into the night It may be over but it won't stop there I am here for you if you'd only care 
You touched my heart you touched my soul You changed my life and all my goals And love is blind and that I knew when My heart was blinded by you I've kissed your lips and held your head Shared your dreams and shared your bed I know you well, I know your smell I've been addicted to you
Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me
Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me
I am a dreamer and when I wake You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take And as you move on, remember me Remember us and all we used to be 
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile I've watched you sleeping for a while I'd be the father of your child I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine We've had our doubts but now we're fine And I love you, I swear that's true I cannot live without you
Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me 
Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me 
And I still hold your hand in mine In mine when I'm asleep And I will bear my soul in time When I'm kneeling at your feet

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

How Things Change

I haven't written a blog in quite a while for many reasons. My life has changed drastically in the past month. A break up turned into a horrible tragedy, and the world lost one of its most beautiful souls. I can't say much about it due to his family, but he is very missed by many people. I wish so badly that things would have turned out differently and I could have been best friends with this amazing boy instead of losing him. Heaven has gained one smart, funny, "burger" angel after our loss.
I am now fully moved into my condo, and am so thankful to have one of my very best friends in the world as my roommate. I honestly don't know what I would have done without her here with me through this time in my life. I am so, so thankful to my friends. Each and every one of them has helped me more than they can imagine, and because of them I am able to not blame myself and continue on with my life. My wonderful, supportive family has also been here with me, and I am so happy for that. I also am fortunate enough to have been seeing someone who completely understands my pain, and is so unbelievably patient. He listens to me cry, and talk about how much I miss the boy I lost. I cannot believe how lucky I am sometimes to have someone so willing to put up with the intense emotions and stress of this. He was with me the day I found out, and has been with me ever since.
I will always love and miss my sweet boy that is now gone. I so badly wish I could have mourned properly and attended the funeral, and had closure. I wasn't given that opportunity, so I am considering the idea of having a memorial for him, the way he would have wanted to be remembered. Not a day goes by where I don't feel the immense loss his death has caused, but all I can do is live my life and be strong.